A Decade in the Making

I know, I know. I've once again promised pictures that I haven't delivered on yet. I've got something that's kinda important.

Gather round, kiddies. It's storytime.

Once upon a time, a budding young man named Tweaker went to college. While in college, his presence was requested to help with a ballet that came to his school. It was a professional troupe from Memphis, and the crew was some union (IATSE Local #69) stage personnel. Being the type to try to impress the people that want to pay me, he worked his arse off. Having liked what they saw, the union folks invited Tweaker in for some real work on major shows. This led to stagehand work in all sorts of venues, from clubs to arenas.

One lead led to another, and the opportunity came up for a gig at a casino's arena (around 1500-1600 capacity venue). That lead fell through, however, because young Tweaker had just turned a ripe 19 years of age on the 26th of May and the show was on the 29th. Youngsters running around casinos is a big no-no, apparently, so other work was found with the Memphis Symphony that day. That kept our hero quite busy from early hours until mid-afternoon. The Symphony didn't perform until the following day.

That's when Fate intervened. Seems that one of the regulars for the show down at the casino had trouble and couldn't make the load out, and they were having trouble finding a warm body reliable stagehand to fill the position. They called Tweaker's current boss, who then told Tweaker of the gig. Tweaker couldn't see past the end of his fattening wallet, so he gladly accepted; one gets plenty of sleep upon death.

First things first, some paperwork to fill out with the Crew Chief, whom Tweaker had already met through a union friend at a crawfish boil. Off to one of the hotel's ballrooms where it was quiet, as the band was onstage at the time. While going through the motions, in walks a Redhead that stops Tweaker in his tracks. Tweaker wrongly ASSumes she's with the casino as the Crew Chief introduces her and Tweaker. Tweaker tried hard to keep from drooling (first impressions and all), but he was noticed several times through the loadout even after he learned she was on the local audio crew (like, Stagehand +1). At the end of the night, some of the regulars went a'beering and invited Tweaker. Tweaker's first response?

Tweaker: "Who's she?"
Stagehand: "Her? You don't want none of that. Nothin but trouble."
Tweaker: "She coming for beer?"

A few shows in and it was learned that Tweaker showed promise in the field of audio, so he was brought in for training with a local sound company. There, he would learn much from many skilled engineers, including the aforementioned Redhead. And it was there that one day, completely by surprise, Redhead gives Tweaker her phone# and pager#. Tweaker recalls the conversation vividly:

Tweaker: "What are you doing?"
Redhead: "Getting myself into trouble."

Trouble, you see, because Redhead had previously ASSumed that Tweaker was more, uh, 'of age' since he'd been working at the casino only to learn that he still had two more years before he could legally drink, and she was a quarter-century (with a year's experience to boot).

Trouble, indeed. I don't call her Redhead anymore. I call her The Wifey.


**********************************


On May 29, 1998, I met the woman who would be my wife. That was ten years ago yesterday. And to provide maximum "AAAAWWWWW!!!!" factor to this true story, I give you one last detail: to this day I still carry the yellow Post-It note with her name and numbers on it in my wallet. Always.

(Now y'all get ready, 'cause she's going to read this.)

Honey, I love you as much ten years later as I did the day we met.



tweaker

Dodging Bullets

Oh, boy. I'll be lucky if'n I don't get hit.

I left for Vacation last week and didn't get a chance to post a "BRB"-type message before I did.

Just got back about an hour ago.

SORRY!!!!

I'll be checking in and posting some of the over 200 pictures taken from Corpus Christi, Texas here in the near future.

'Til then, sorry again!



tweaker

Spare Change

I have my doubts than there is anyone reading this blog that's independently wealthy. So, I'd gather that most of y'all (all three of you) that read this can appreciate what it's like to occasionally have a little extra money.

Well, thanks to our wonderful federal government myself for earning all the money that I'm getting back from Uncle Sam, we have a small amount of spare change. It's not often that we get that, so the occasion warrants marking. Truth told, my quarterly bonus is largely paying for my vacation, and most of the incentive check is paying off one of the only two bills we have (the latter being our only credit card).

We decided that it was time for some recreational spending. First, the decision was made to acquire the third installment in the Harry Potter series. Whilst at the Giant Blue Store (as opposed to the Giant Red Store, both of which are really good for the purchase of DVD's and CD's), we also decided on acquiring the first in the Chronicles of Narnia series. That came with a little bonus of $10 toward tickets to see the second one. On the way out, we passed the Wii kiosk that had Mario Kart Wii on demo. The Little Girl always wants to play these demo games, and yesterday we decided to let her. When The Wifey saw that not only was The Little Girl having fun, but she was doing rather well, she snuck off to pick up the game and an extra steering wheel.

A trip home followed by a short nap for the little one, and off we went to the local Uber-Plex to see Prince Caspian. That was money well spent. We all had a really good time, and you could hardly tell that the movie was 2.5hrs long.

It's nice to have a little spare change, for a change.



tweaker

Politicalamity*

So, I'm running through the blogroll this morning because I have some sort of something wrong with me that causes me to wake up before dawn on weekends. Why don't I have this problem during the week, when I actually NEED to wake up that early?

Anyhoo, over at Bad Dogs and Such, Miss Abby hits one that hasn't landed yet. Go. Read. Then come back, 'cause I'm far from done.

In that post, Abby links to a CNN story concerning the Democrat-ic Party's reaction to statements made by President Bush whilst playing in near The Sandbox. Sen. Joseph Biden even said an explitive. Shocking, I know.

Seems that the Dems are pretty bent out of shape about their policy of negotiating being referred to as an attempt at appeasement. Bush mentioned the essence of such policy in this quote, ironically made by an isolationist Republican "(a)s Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939." He then came right out and called it a "foolish delusion" to attempt to negotiate with terrorists.

-Sidenote- Isn't that the same argument Dems try to make when dealing with domestic terrorists (i.e. violent criminals)? Wouldn't they rather you not fight them, but try to reason with them as if they can be reasoned with? Sheesh.

What kicked me into blog mode was when Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that "the engineer of the worst foreign policy in our nation's history has fired yet another reckless and reprehensible round." Really. Really? You actually believe that crap, Reid? Jesus Jones, man! Exactly where the hell were you when Mr. Peanut gave away the Panama Canal to PANAMA?!?! Engineer of the worst foreign policy in our nation's history, my shiny white arse!!! Bush would have to actually give Israel to Iran to take that crown you flaming fucktard!!!

(okay. deep breath. in. out. much better.)

Wow. Sometimes I get a bit passionate. Sorry. But seriously, what exactly would the point of a good ole sit-down with Mahmoud Ahmadinebananafannafofannadad be, anyway?

Democrat President - "Hey, we sure would like it if you'd stop supporting terrorism and lay off all the nuke stuff, mmkay?"

Ahmadunnadunnadunnadunnabatmanedad - "Fuck you Great Satan, jihad, free Palestine and praise Allah. You know, the usual."

D.P. - "But, but, but..."

A - "I SAID, the usual!!!"

D.P. - "Can I interest you in your very own canal?"

***************************

For the record, I sure ain't defending Bush. That fucker etched into stone once and for all the end of Conservativism in this country, and turned the slow erosion of The Bill of Rights into a frikken landslide. But, it is nice to see that at least someone remembers what happened from 1939-1945. I think the Democrats would just as soon forgive and forget.



tweaker



*No, I didn't make up that wonderful word. That credit goes to Gary Cherone.

Okay, Maybe Some Things Are Worse

I try to avoid all-encompassing words or phrases. Seems there's quite nearly an exception to every rule. More importantly, you find out that when you say always or never, you end up with egg on your face from all the many exceptions.

My last post was entitled "Nothing Worse." I regret using that title now. It seems that there are things out there worse than what I previously described.

I overheard a conversation at a jobsite yesterday that I would very much like to unhear (dis-hear; de-hearify?). Dude was talking about something he witnessed over the weekend. Some poor girl lost the reigns on her dachshund, who quickly found its way onto the rather busy road. The girl watched in horror as the first car narrowly missed her dog and the second one did not. The girl was bawling*.

Of course, Dude tells the story much better than me.

According to Dude, after being missed by the first car, the dog looked at the car as if to say, "Hey, you almost hit me!" Then it got smacked by the second car. Followed by fits of laughter. Then he says the girl was all crying. Then there was lots of laughter.

I was disgusted. "So, you find this sort of thing to be funny?"

"Yeah, she was all crying, like 'Ahh, hah, hah, haaah!' "

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

I like to think that one who would laugh at a dog being run over and killed to be a sick, sad individual. One who would laugh at the little girl who just saw it happen to her own dog probably microwaved cats when he was a teenager. Someone with deep mental issues.

A perfect candidate for Law Enforcement.

?!?!?!

Yup. This guy is a bona-fide Sheriff's Deputy.

Makes you sick, don't it?



tweaker



*Edit: Corrected spelling. The little girl was most certainly NOT "balling." Thanks, Kelly;)

Nothing Worse

I think back to something I read from LawDog's place awhile back.

To me, there are a few things worse than an Officer of the Law who does not abide by the law that he's sworn to uphold.

On the way home from the grocery store this evening (points off my Man Card for running out of propane last time I grilled) I saw a local Sheriff's Deputy squad car (no light bar on the top, so likely Shift Sgt. or Lt.?) get on the highway using the same on-ramp I was about to use. He was in a hurry to hit the on-ramp, but got on the highway and slowed down. I'd put him around 55-60 m.p.h. He moved over onto the shoulder (?) and let a car and pickup truck pass. Then he came off the shoulder hard and got behind the pickup. Right behind. Like about a foot and a half behind (no joke).

I started bitching about it to The Wifey right about that time.

After about a mile of this, for no reason he pulled back. After I passed him wondering how I could express my distaste (I did NOT in any way) without going to jail, he then hit the shoulder again. Slowed down again (this time to around 30 or so), then back on the highway where he maintained around 55.

I don't have a problem with officers/deputies/troopers who roll under the speed limit (within legal bounds, i.e. above 45) on the highway. I get it. They roll low, Bad Guys get nervous and start making fundamental mistakes, Bad Guys get pulled over and our hero gives a citation/nails a D.U.I./makes a drug arrest. Huzzah! But, when said officer operates outside the boundaries of the law (driving on the shoulder, driving under the minimum speed limit, and tailgating, to be specific), to me is in the same ballpark as illegal search/seizure, unlawful entry, and entrapment (just not as severe). I don't care if he WAS a suspect. If you've got someone, hit the damn lights and pull him over. Tailgating him puts you, him, and everyone the hell else around you at risk. I know you have a brain. Use it.

L.E.O.'s out there, make no mistake. I have the most devout respect for you. Most times, I enjoy your company and your knowledge. It is sad that your good name can be marred by some douchebag that doesn't mind flat breaking the rules for a damned ticket. For those among you that choose to practice the law as you would uphold it, I'd buy your drinks anytime.

For those of you that operate on your own terms, with the laws be damned?

I think I've said enough.



tweaker

Overheard From The Master Bedroom....

On the front end, let it be known that I've never been the type to teach words, phrases, or things to my daughter intentionally so that she'll repeat them.

To me, true comedy requires spontaneity.

........................

The Little Girl likes to come into the Master Bedroom in the mornings on Saturday and Sunday to make sure we're awake. She'll walk up to the foot of our bed, climb over the rail, and generally lay down with us and be cute for a few minutes before prodding us out of bed.

Yesterday The Wifey was up and getting dressed when The Little Girl came into the bedroom. As she goes to climb over the rail:

The Little Girl: ..... "I farted."
The Wifey: "Litte Girl! Don't do that!"
TLG: "Mommy, that's how we're made! We fart!"
Tweaker: "BWAAAHAAAHAAHAA!!!!!"
TW: "You're NOT helping."



tweaker

I Have Bad Angry, pt. 3

Most of us are seeing significant increases in our output of money (i.e. cost of living). Everything's getting more expensive. A gallon of gas, a gallon of milk, beer (dammit!), beef, whatever. Truckers will be quick to tell you two things: 1. Everything you've ever bought was on a truck at one point in its journey to you, and B. diesel is #$%! expesive!!!! Where do you think THOSE savings get passed down to?

Since most of us aren't seeing our income going up at the same rate as the output, I'll assume that the situation is a pretty big deal for most. The stores are blaming inflation, the gubmint is blaming Big Evil Oil, and Big Evil Oil will blame an increase at the pump on literally anything (some dude farted in the last meeting, so we're going up $0.07/gallon).

At least part of the gubmint wants to have Big Evil Oil pay gas taxes this summer (yeah, that won't drive up the base price). Whether or not that comes to fruition, bet your life on this: either way, Big Evil Oil AND the .gov are going to get your money. Oh, yes.

Here's where it all gets FedEx'ed To Hell.

Americans, by and large, equate the ability to come and go as they please with freedom. In order to do so, one frequently needs an automobile. Big Evil Oil has figured out that they have what everyone wants, and they can name their price. It's working, too. They are naming their price and we're lining up like cattle to give them whatever they ask so we can do all that freedom-type-moving about. They get away with it not because the gubmint don't stop 'em, but because they have figured something out. They know that the average U.S. consumer ain't so unhappy as to actually DO anything about it, and most are content with whatever line of bullshit they hear/see on the news. As a nation, we've become complacent. We're eating up whatever the TeeVee says while waiting for American Idol, and it's making for a very stupid consumer. Just look at the average credit rating in this country.

But this is NOT our biggest problem.

"Okay, Tweaker. This has gone on long enough. What's the big problem?" I know you're thinking it. I have espn.

The biggest problem facing a free America right now is not that giant soulless corporations know we're stupid.

The biggest problem right now is that the government that WE EMPOWER knows we're stupid.

Over the years we've given the gubmint every inch of power that it has acquired lustfully, and we've stood by in awe as they've craven more. Stood by while "conspiracy freaks" and "gun nuts" have said, "Hey, is anyone listening? It's gonna get worse!"

Look what's happened to the party lines now. You can barely tell an R from a D; a (Washington) conservative from a liberal; a tax-and-spend from a borrow-and-spend. They all want bigger government, more governmental authority, and ultimately more control. I swear to you this: if we stand by and allow the gubmint to nail Big Evil Oil in the wallet, we will watch them do it to healthcare and every other possible business whose workers make six figures or more.

Let me be just as clear as I possibly can on this point.

Allow the government to have this control, and they will NOT stop. Ever.

Not until they are made to.

Y'all ever seen Disney's A Bug's Life? Great flick. Maybe the folks at Disney have been trying to tell us all along. In that movie, there's a few grasshoppers, and they are all bigger, meaner, stronger, and infinitely better killers than any ant.

But there's a shitload of ants, and at the end the grasshoppers get their asses kicked.

************************

This series of posts were inspired in part by Miss Tam and the link I found there, but largely by some of the things I found myself actually saying after reading what I found in those links. I had a conversation with The Wifey about it, and next thing you know I'm damn near on a soapbox with her cheering me on.

Scary.

This is not a call for revolution. I do not claim to be a voice of the people. But I do think it's high time we started remembering just what the hell United We Stand means.

Preferably before it's too late.



tweaker

I Have Bad Angry, pt. 2

All of this thought on gubmint intervention and whatnot leads me down a path that ends in Very Bad Things.

The very idea of Uncle Sam reaching into my pockets makes me nauseous, but reaching into the pockets of those who are successful to the tune of who knows how many millions/billions makes me not only completely ill, but quite angry to boot.

I've been trying to convey my feelings on this matter to The Wifey for a little while now. She's frequently taken the "I know,but something's gotta be done" approach. Yes, something's gotta be done, and it MUST be done in the private sector in order to work.

Nothing stifles business like the .gov.

Speaking specifically on the subject of gas prices, it is my opinion that an alternative will be necessary. Even if we killed off furrin oil, Big Evil Oil would still charge exorbitant prices for go-go juice just because they could. What we need is Something Else. I don't know what; it could be electric, hydrogen, plutonium/flux capacitors, whatever. And it will have to be, it MUST be, two things:

1. It must be cheaper for the consumer than what we have now,

and

2. It absolutely must be profitable for the provider (automaker, etc.).

We already know what it's like to have an alternative that is only one of those two things. Every automaker in the universe right now offers some sort of hybrid or another. Some of them offer significant MPG gains over their non-hybrid counterparts (Toyota Camry) while others offer exactly Jack Shit (Chevy Tahoe Hybrid), but they all have one thing in common: they are waaayy more expensive than the non-hybrid version. An additional $10-15K on the price tag is gonna put you at around $200/mo more on your car note. Compared to the maybe $50-100 you'll save, and the math gets simple:

THAT=TEH SUCK.

It's like pulling teeth to get your hands on a Prius, Hybrid Camry, or whatever your taste is, because folks with the money are buying them up left and right. Is it helping Joe Consumer or the current gas raping crisis at all? No. If an alternative is going to work, it's gotta be cheaper (not just a break-even) than what we've got now.

Oh, and if they all have to look like the Prius? Hell, no!

It's gonna take private industry, with private investors (you know, FREE AMERICANS in a free society) to create a commanding victory here. You know, just like it always does.

I always refer to gubmint mandate like doing housework. When you're forced to do laundry because you're damn-near out, what do you do? You do just enough to get you through to the end of the week, and it comes out of the dryer and into the nearest chair in your bedroom. When you do laundry because you want to, because it needs doin, and you're gonna do it right, what do you do? You separate it, wash according to the instructions, hang the stuff that air-dries and tumble the stuff that don't, and it all gets folded/hung and put away neately.

There's a commercial on the TeeVee right now for the company that makes Windex or something (I can't for the life of me remember right now). They have this big ole factory, and it's right next to a landfill. The dude on the commercial says that the entire factory is powered by harnessing methane emissions from the dump (yes, I know it's probably supplemented or supplementory to conventional electric, but work with me here). I don't know about you, but I'm impressed by that. And the .gov didn't force them to do that. They did it all by themselves.

It's gonna take something like that, because otherwise we're gonna lose all our damn money.

Part III is where we get into who's gonna get it, and how this is all explained by a Disney flick.

stay tuned....



tweaker

I Have Bad Angry, pt. 1

First, I read this intuitive post from Miss Tam. She brilliantly compares the plight of the neighborhood greasemonkey having an outside agency rebuild "gizmos to the day-to-day of doctors using outside labs to run tests.

At the end of the post, Miss Tam references her inspiration at this little linky right here. I read that, and suddenly I could no longer see Teh Happies through the fog of WTF?!?!

I'm getting sick of I Told You So. It's not as fun as it used to be. Right now the biggest pile of feces argument between Hillary Clinton and Barack Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir Obama (hey, I can't let Unc have ALL the fun) is the whole Gas Tax thing. Seems the Clinton camp, known for Knowing What's Best For Us (see Clinton Gun Ban for details) wants to suspend the Gas Tax for the duration of this summer. Well, not exactly suspend it really; just have Big Evil Oil pick up the tab. Because, you know, they make too much money.

Yup. Let's penalize the successful for their success. The Democrat-ic mantra. Redistribution of wealth and all of that.

"But Tweaker," you ask, "where does the 'I Told You So' come in?" Refer to the second link of this post. The Show-Me State has turned into the Show-Me Your Money State. In the same vein of limiting Big Evil Oil's profits, Missouri wants to slowly start corking physician's paychecks.

Dammit. I need a drink.

First, let me be the first to say that Big Evil Oil is full to the brim of Douchebags of the First Order whom, I believe, are all out to suck every last nickel out of the pocket of any creature with nickels or pockets. I also believe that doctors are rewarded for failure since they get paid whatever absurd rate they wish, whether they cure you, err slightly on your diagnosis, or are flat-ass wrong. Wouldn't that be nice? I can see it now: "Oh, I'm sorry your theatre doesn't work AT ALL, Mrs. Jones. Now, please make that check out to..."

I'm CLEARLY not defending these folks because of their clear moral character.

Unfortunately, I'm still defending them. As much as it may sicken me, they have broken no law. Let me say that again, just in case a weary Clinton supporter accidentally navigated here, so that I am perfectly crystal on this:

They have broken no laws.

Quite the contrary, they have upheld to very important laws, much to their private success. First, the Law of Supply and Demand. Not the one you learned about in Economics 101. No, the one where They (legally) Have The Supply And Tou Have The Demand. The other one is The Golden Rule: Whoever Has The Gold Makes The Rules. We may not LIKE it. It may be abusive of a sense of trust that comes from, well, wherever that sort of thing comes from.

But, like Miss Tam so often says, Ignorance is No Excuse for a Law.

to be continued...

UPDATE: Where I have gone into why the would-be communist regime's "solutions" are philosophically wrong, Bruce shows us how they're fundamentally wrong.

More tomorrow.



tweaker

Oh, SONOVA....!!!

WORST FRIGGIN THING.

I took my CCW out of my car this evening (I was somewhere that I couldn't carry. Screw binding signage!!!) to bring it inside where it would go in the carry leather. Before I could make it past the trunk of the car, I went to stuff it into the small of my back to free up my hands and WHOOPS! My Px4 hit the driveway. Thank GOD it was in a nylon holster, or else the slide would have experienced trauma.

There was still a problem, though. The impact struck the floorplate of the inserted magazine before flipping the pistol over and stopping on the ground. I took the pistol inside for immediate inspection. The mag release dropped the mag just fine, but when it hit my bed, I heard a rattle. Besides scratching up the polymer floorplate real good, it bound the mag spring under all 17 rounds (+1 in the chamber, if'n you're the countin type...) leaving no tension on the follower and allowing the 17 cartridges to rattle around all worthless like.

DAMMIT!

So after dumping out the mag (how many of you have 'dumped' cartridges out of a magazine before), I noticed that the floorplate was moved slightly forward of the normal position. I could also see part of the baseplate trying to stick through. I forced the floorplate back where it's supposed to be, and hit the release to take the floorplate off. When I did, whatever was bound up in there let go, and the follower damn near took flight. It hit so hard that it tried to leave past the lips. I removed the floorplate, baseplate, and spring out from the bottom of the tube and pulled the follower out from the top. After inspection, I reassembled the magazine and everything seemed to work okay.

Unfortunately, I can't carry that magazine for CCW duty until it sees a few rounds go by at the range. Now I'm down to two magazines for awhile.

DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!

Course, I could be blogging about how it DIDN'T "go off" when it hit the ground, but y'all knew that already anyway.



tweaker

P-A-R-T-Why?

Because I gottaaaahhh!!!

Okay. I'll admit it. I own The Mask on DVD and I think it's funny. Don't judge me.

Anyhoo, I had a little fun last night. The Wifey and I went to a little informal company party. First Quarter was a doozy for us, and pockets were full for those on commission. So a party was thrown, food and drink was consumed, much fun was had by all. One of the guys even showed up with a mini-keg of a homebrewed Maple Stout that was to die for.

Good times, all. Okay, mostly. The Spurs got spanked in the second half and lost by a margin not fitting a champion. Yuck.

It was also quite comforting to know (admittedly in a sort of selfish way) that I was carrying around the very bunch that made the no-guns policy at the office. Right on my hip. And they were none the wiser.

WIN!



tweaker

Teh Stoopid*

*alternate title: "Sometimes TeeVee Really Pisses Me Off"

I'm sitting in the Living Room watching one of those 'outrageous moments' type shows. I watch them sometimes for the same reason I go to Break.com. I like to watch people injure themselves. Stupid should (and frequently does) hurt.

Well, one of the video clips tonight was of some sort of military ceremony in, I'd guess, the Middle East or maybe North Africa. There were three guards standing side-by-side. They were all armed with some sort of bolt-action carbine and dressed in what could have been costumes in Disney's Aladdin. Especially the shoes. The shoes were very much like these, except the color:




Well, the guards were standing in front of about three or four steps. Calls were being made from off camera, and the two guards on the outside marched (in the most entertaining fashion) up the steps to the next level. When the guard on the left took his last step, one of those Aladdin shoes went right out from under him. When he went arse-first into ground zero, his carbine hit the ground right behind him. Folks laughed, he stood up, the ceremony continued.

"Now, Tweaker, why would that make you so upset?" you might ask. Because the gun went off when it hit the ground. Okay, I'll clarify. It SOUNDED like it went off. It did not, in fact, actually discharge. There was no muzzle flash, no smoke from the barrel or the action, and the gun didn't recoil at all. But there was the sound of gunfire (JUST like it is in the movies, so it's gotta be real, right?), and there was a scream after the gunshot sound for added ha-ha's.

The video would have been funny on its own merit. The extra sound effects ruined that. Some mouth-breathers out there may have laughed, every pro-gun human would be as pissed as me, and everyone else probably went, "Hey, that's not funny! Someone just got SHOT!"

Whoever is in charge of that show needs to be taken out and beaten severely. By me. With, ahh, something that would hurt bad.

@$#%&! teevee.



tweaker