I've Got No Soul To Sell*

I don't usually get telemarketing calls. I have no home telephone, and all our company phones are on the national Do Not Call list. Those calls are rare, and most of the rare ones are Spanish-speaking.

Today was a bit different. There was no recorded voice; they went straight for the pushy salesman. And I'm talking classic, used-car-salesman pushy. I fully expected him to say in that ridiculous radio voice, "What'll it take to get you to buy a five-year membership today?!"

What was this jerk-off selling, you might ask? He was with the National Rifle Association. That's right, folks. Dickhead was getting all in-your-face with the pro-gun hoo-ha, telling me all about how eeeevil the government is and how eeeeevil the anti-gunners are and how righteous and pure the NRA is, and he did it all in one breath without letting me get a single word in edgewise.

Normally, I'd have dumped a call like that right away, but this was the NRA. I told him that I intend to renew my membership, but I'm not going to do it right now. Then he just laid it on thicker and heavier, with extra helpings of EEEEEVVVIIIIILLLL Government and RRRRIIIIIGGHTEEEOOOUUUUSSS National Rifle Association. Oh, and the NRA's victory in the Supreme Court this year. Funny, but I thought Otis McDonald was the plantiff in that case...

Once he finished that breathless tangent, I told him that I was rather well informed where gun politics are concerned, and reiterated that I planned on renewing my membership, but that I would not do so today.

Then comes the Beeeeeeeg Savings you get when you sign up for five years, and the slightly lesser but still Beeeeeg Savings you get if you only do it for three (apparently, the one-year membership is only an option if this asshole isn't the method you use for membership). I grit my teeth, took an overtly deep breath, and told him that I was not going to renew at this time, and thanked him for his call. He finally let it go.

NRA, if you're reading this, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I have had a membership, renewed yearly, for several years now. I have contributed to the cause monetarily, I have defended the organization in political arguments, and I have promoted the general welfare of All Things Firearm at every appropriate opportunity. I am in the fold, make no mistake. I do not need to be marketed to. I understand that organizations require money to function and that the NRA thrives primarily on membership, but if you ever sick one of these generic, buddy-buddy, sales-tactical hacks on me ever again, I am going to light his candy-ass up so hard that he's gonna glow in the fuckin dark. Saavy?



tweaker



*I have expanded blog titles to include song lyrics instead of just song titles. There is a song for every moment in life, but I can't be expected to remember all of 'em!