She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. ... she never wounds 'till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her.
-Benjamin Franklin


Monday, August 29, 2011

My Immortal Soul In Peril

I had a rather spiritual experience yesterday (on a Sunday; how apropos!). Here I was, shopping amidst the crowds at Costco, with little to be happy about with so many people around me. My only source of joy at that point was the case of Spaten Octoberfest Marzen sitting there in my shopping cart. I was going to buy that beer. I was going to take it home and refrigerate it. And I was, by God, going to drink it.

Well, my plan was all well and good, despite each and every checkout line looking like a tribute to the DMV. That is, until I reached the register at 11:54 a.m. CDT with, among other things, my Liquid Happiness. Thank All That Is Holy, that the cashier was attentive to his duties - not that he had a choice, because the computer wouldn't have allowed it - or else I would have been able to purchase that case of beer before 12:00 p.m. in Texas. I would have bought it, walked out into the parking lot, and immediately and irreversibly had my soul wrenched from my body and dragged, kicking and screaming, to the very depths of Hell. Oh, perish the thought!

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Today's motivational spiritual testimony brought to you by the blue laws of the State of Texas, without which the Lone Star State would be able to purchase the damning beverage before high noon.



tweaker

3 comments:

  1. Blue laws in Teaxas? Huh. I thought Texas was all un-regulatory and all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wish. Even CA has some sort of open carry provision. TX is a lot more dorked up than folks like to admit. We're supposed to be Free America.

    Not hardly. Not yet, anyway.



    tweaker

    ReplyDelete
  3. At least you can buy beer on Sundays at all.

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to drop a line. You don't have to keep it clean - God knows, I won't - but keep it above the belt.