"Oblige Him!"

Certainly, I'm not the only one who read the following headline in the NPR feed:

'We Will Die Here On The Dear Soil Of Libya'

And immediately thought:

We got a tyrant here who wants to die for his country! Oblige him!

Naw, there's no way I'm the only one:)



tweaker

Sorta, Kinda, but Not Really

I swear, one of these days I'm going to get around to the post on the music industry that I mentioned yesterday, but I just found something that really set my head slightly to the right.

"Wait. I don't see what you did there."

It almost looks, for a moment, that a shred of wisdom was going to escape that perpetual Vortex of Stupid that is Washington, D.C. The Obama Administration has decided that the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, specifically the part about the fed.gov not recognizing gay marriage, will no longer be defended. His Obamaness instructed US Attorney General Eric Holder to stop defending the constitutionality of the law in court.

Sounds like a win for gay rights, right? If you said no, giveth thee one cookie.

From the CBSNews.com article:

Holder said that despite the decision, his department will "remain parties to the cases and continue to represent the interests of the United States throughout the litigation." He added that members of Congress can still elect to defend the statute and that Justice will "work closely with the courts to ensure that Congress has a full and fair opportunity to participate in pending litigation."

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said that enforcement of the policy will -- at least for now -- continue.

See that? Yeah, right there. They're paying lip service to the Constitution of the United States of America in the headline, then turning right the fuck around with plans to continue the defense and enforcement of the law in question.

They're not saying that the law is flat unconstitutional (edit: why is that word so hard to type? You'd think as a libertarian, I'd be used to it by now:). They're just saying they won't defend the constitutionality of the law. They're still going to defend the law itself, and in fact still enforce it. Why? Well, if they flat out admit that the law is unconstitutional, then there's no way in all nine circles of hell they could defend it.

Looks to me like they got tired of hearing all the gays bitching and moaning about DOMA - which Obama promised in his campaign to repeal - so they thought of something that would appear to make good on the campaign promise while not totally alienating the Religious Right who would, in turn, show up with torches and pitchforks if the administration moved toward actually tossing DOMA out on its ass.

"Hi! We're from the GOP. Can we have a moment of your time?"

Someone please explain to me how homosexual men and women aren't all rabid, heartless libertarians. I just don't get it.



tweaker

Good Reading

Well, I was thinking about posting up along the lines of one of Peter's posts from today, but I read something over at Groundhog's place that changed my mind. I do music post later. Today, some linky-love.

Go RTWT. Is good.



tweaker

Everyone Feel Safe Now?*

I have an idea.

Since there are so many (I didn't say majority. Work with me here) in the country that aren't bothered by the Porn-O-Scan at the airport, and we're in desperate need of some serious reduction in budgets, I propose this solution.

(Follow the NSFW link)

Form two lines, please. I'll be in my Tundra.



tweaker

*Only reason I don't post the picture is because I don't want to be flagged as offensive. Otherwise, I'd let it fly here.

The Ongoing Debate on Open Carry

Lately, a great deal has gone on about open carry. Strangely enough, the argument - as far as I can tell, anyway - isn't about open carry at all. It's about one's attitude. In comments on several blogs, I have said, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. It's not just a good idea; it's the law." It's true. Whether or not you are acting within the bounds of the law, public perception of your actions can make or break you. It doesn't always, and sometimes it bites you in the ass when you least expect it.

Thing is, the pro-gun folks who are all for forcing the issue? Yeah, try to tell them that you can be in the right all you want and still turn people against you. Or that you can still make people very nervous or uncomfortable. Those guys will just tell you that you are wrong, and that all the other people are wrong. Everyone, it seems, is wrong except them. That, for me, sends up all kinds of red flags.

Breda tried to point out how attitude comes into play. She got chided by many. pdb backed her up, only to face the same type of opposition. Many bloggers - myself included - tried to do the same, and all the in-your-face-with-my-rights-types all plugged their ears and told us how wrong we are. Turns out, Breda and pdb may have been on to something.

Robb Allen, who does PR for Florida Open Carry, had a very objective post on the subject, and it brings the topic back on track. It's not about your rights, or what's legal, or what gun you choose to OC. We all want those things to be okay, but there are good and bad ways to get there, and (literally or figuratively) shoving your boomsticks in people's faces ain't how it's done.

Let's try to remember that we're all on the same team, folks. Sooner or later, it's really going to matter.



tweaker

Awesome Airlines

*Shamelessly stolen from myself on Teh Facebookz. Idea to blog it instead of just FB it shamelessly stolen from Breda.

LEVEL IV BEVERAGE ALERT

Seanbaby has a better idea for airline security. It's a whole new airline. NSFW:

Other airlines, let's call them pussies, take your liquids from you before you get on. They're worried your shampoo is going to explode. At Awesome Airlines, we think that would kick ass. You'd have to be a goddamn idiot to think someone's shampoo is a bomb, but if yours is, then fucking welcome aboard, Agent James Bond.

Go. Enjoy.



tweaker

Housekeeping

There's a new section over there on the right under "Bloggers I've Met" (which I mean to expand here in the not-too-distant future). It's called "Entertainment," and it lists the websites that I look at when I'm supossed to be working are good for laughing and stuff. There will be many more, but for now allow me to convince you why you should check out Badass of the Week:

...[I]t's the mighty Poseidon – the Greek god of the sea, and a mega-bearded unstoppable badass so over-the-top awesome he can only be physically depicted through the medium of towering marble sculptures carved from the tusks of the long-extinct sea creatures that Poseidon himself summoned for the sole purpose of being murdered and carved into a likeness of the Sea God. Nowadays Poseidon gets kind of hosed, like he's the fucking Aquaman of mythological Greece, but in real life this guy a seriously hardcore, ill-tempered motherfucker who responded to even the most trivial affront by powerbombing a tsunami up your ass and then sending a bunch of vindictive dolphins to dry-hump your lifeless corpse for extra humiliation.

This guy runs one funniest informative (srsly. Dude knows his shit) website on the web. Don't believe me? Go learn about Honey Badgers.

Enjoy!



tweaker

Couple Notes of Humor

I saw a couple things today. One made me laugh, the other made me briefly worry.

First, from Jim, comes this bit about pet care:

Reminds me I need to take New Dog to the vet to confirm that she's been immunized against voluntary interactions.

RTWT. Good stuff.

Next, I thought a blogger I read (who hasn't posted lately, *nudge-nudge) dun got herself in trouble with her institute of questionable higher learning. Turns out, that was someone else.



tweaker

Of Boomsticks and The Law

Interesting time for things that go bang. Iowa is now a shall-issue state (raising my glass to you, Jim! Here's to shall-issue and warmer weather), much to the dismay of many Sheriffs. Looks like the duty to retreat's in the crosshairs next. Illinois is taking up concealed-carry again. Texas is finally getting around to campus carry and parking lot laws. Florida is going for open carry, and God willing, Texas won't be far behind. 2A was confirmed an individual right - self-defense included - and was incorporated. Arizona passed constitutional carry, and Tennessee is taking it up.

Yes. We are winning. Let's keep it up.



tweaker

Almost Business As Usual

Warning: foul language lies ahead. Lots. Even the f-bomb, repeatedly.

Well, I guess the House of Representatives got my letter yesterday by mistake. Understandable, with so many douchebags in Washington, a letter like that could easily reach the wrong address.

Of course, in departure from that sort of near-predictability, the House took the message to mean that they should stop spending all my fucking money so they can shit all over my rights (all quoted text is from this linked article). See, a portion of the We Can Fuck You Out Of Your Rights If We Can Construe You As A Terrorist Act Patriot Act came up for renewal, and quite nearly passed. Naturally, since that turd of a law (but I repeat myself) was Hooray, Republican!, the Dems were all lined up against it.

I haven't wanted to kick a puppy so bad as I did when I read Dennis Kucinich's response to the failure of the extension to pass:

"The Patriot Act represents the undermining of civil liberties,"

Hey, Dennis? How did you vote on Obamacare? You don't get to put on your cape and tights in defense of my civil liberties. Please go fuck yourself. Silently.

Thanks to a brave few Tea-Party Republicans (EDIT: it is hard to drip with sarcasm on a blog) the bill failed, much to the dismay of Other-Party Citizen-Fuckers the Republican base as a whole. Naturally, the Rs disagree:

House leaders rejected that analysis. "Democrats in Congress voted to deny their own administration's request for key weapons in the war on terror," said Erica Elliott, spokeswoman for Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.).

Here we go. *sigh*

Rep. Steve Southerland (R-Fla.), a freshman who voted yes, said the measure is "going to need some examination going forward, so all I did today is just, hey, instead of making a wrong decision, we're just going to do a little more due diligence to make the very right decision to both protect our security as well as protect the civil liberties of the American people."

"This is just a temporary extension, so the Judiciary Committee can dive a little deeper into the details," said Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), a second-term lawmaker closely aligned with tea party activists. "That seemed fair. I don't want to let it expire without giving it full contemplation."

Rep. James Sensenbrenner (R-Wis.), who sponsored the extension, told reporters after the vote that opposition had little to do with the particular provisions being considered Tuesday and more to do with other counter-terrorism tools that have received scrutiny. "People didn't understand it," he said. "A lot of the complaints that we heard were about sections [of the law] not in this bill."

Hey, look over there! Don't look over here at the truth! Look over there, at the smoke! That is where happy and stuff is! Look, before I tell you all to collectively GFY (silently, mind you), know that a few of us (again, with the sarcasm difficulties) are hearing what you are saying. You are saying that you just wanted to extend the law - the one that no one really complained about anyway - for a few months so you can really study it and consider it. Also, we just don't understand.

Yeah. Fuck you.

But the highlight of the story comes from the White House. Yes, that one, with the Democrat to End All Democrats, Mr. Socialized Medicine himself. Remember the whole civil liberties thing? Yeah, uuhhh:

The White House said in a statement Tuesday that it "does not object" to extending the three Patriot Act provisions until December. However, it added, the administration "would strongly prefer" an extension until December 2013, noting that the longer timeline "provides the necessary certainty and predictability" that law enforcement agencies require while at the same time ensuring that Congress can continue to review the law's effectiveness.

We don't really like it, but we won't object. We'd really like a longer extension though, you know, for more of that studying and considering.

Yup, you guessed it. Yourself. Go. Silently.

Remember folks, this law failed by a measly seven votes short of a supermajority which was needed under special rules for laws that aren't controversial. I guess controversial only means for... Well, I guess controversial doesn't mean shit. Fuck their rules. They don't care about them, why should we?

Also remember that this just means the measure will come up again during regular-old voting, where only a simple majority will be needed. Once again Congress shows that they have all kinds of ways of fucking you, including "special rules" and multiple bites at the apple with varying numbers of votes required.

Fuck Congress, both houses. Fuck the White House. Fuck Democrats. Fuck Republicans. Fuck the Tea Party. Fuck the laws they create and enact.

Fuck 'em all.



tweaker

A Letter to the White House

Dear Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, and the current administration in the White House:

Stop spending all my fucking money, assholes!!!

Thank you, and have a wonderful day.

Sincerely (no, really. Sincerely.),



tweaker

Vouchers

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have always had a special place in my heart for people who believe in and/or take weight loss pills. They represent the basest desires for results without the slightest hint of motivation. They are the epitome of lazy.

They are a near limitless supply of jokes. Seriously. I mean, I am quite a few pounds away from my First Date Weight (re: beer-gutted bastard; fat fuck; full-blown sufferer of Dunlap Disease), and I know it. I also know that, in order to reduce this harpoon-scarred gut I have in front of me, I will have to burn more calories in a day than I consume. Count calories, watch fat intake, etc. One other thing I know is that there is no pill that will melt off the pounds.

Okay, to be fair, there are plenty of things you can take to melt off the pounds. Take crack-cocaine, for instance. Sure, it'll melt the pounds away - along with any desire to shower - but the cons kinda out weigh the pros, know what I mean? Anyone remember Fen-phen?

Well, today I realized that there is an entirely new level of stupid where diet pills are concerned. Xenadrine is running an ad that, like every other weight-loss pill ever marketed, features before-and-after pictures of folks that were a little pudgy in the before and either ripped (for the guys) or smokin, Holy-Two-Piece-Batman hawtness (for the womens). Oh, and there's also a full-blown, certified douchebag celebrity endorsement.

"Yes, you can trust me with medical stuff. Like weight loss, and vaginal freshness."

That, y'all, is a picture of an actual Jersey Shore Douchebag!

In light of this development, we here at Where Sometimes Things Go Bang have developed a new program. It's a voucher program. It's simple: you do something that proves that your seed desperataely, and with great haste, needs to be removed from Ye Olde Gene Pool, and you get a voucher. Take it to your nearest hospital where you can surrender your reproductive organs have a special procedure where you go to sleep, wake up, and they even give you drugs! Hooray drugs, right?

Okay, fuckit. There's no polite way to say it. Get thee to the hospital and get yourself sterile. You are too stupid to reproduce. If you are looking at Senor Douche up there and thinking, "It seems safe!" then you are a moron.



tweaker

Overheard on Teh Facebooks

A friend posted a status concerning her feelings for the ultra-security, prison-esque feeling of their local elementary school. She felt, despite having submitted to a criminal background check to be approved as a chaperone and being regularly seen in the school, that for the school to continue to coldly treat her like a total stranger was uncorrect. "I am no criminal, and my son isn't, either," she said.

I know how she feels. I have family attending the elementary school I went to when I was a kid. Once, when I was in town, I went with her father to pick one of them up from school as a surprise. I was literally chilled to walk in and see Lexan walls and shit.

Not cool.

I joked - sort of - about it being For The Children™ a bit. Some other comments ensued, and someone finally came in talking about how you might not be a criminal, but the person behind you may be, and how having worked for the local PD opened her eyes, etc.

Naturally, I could not allow someone on Al Gore's Internets to be wrong.

My comment:

Not to knock [the local] PD (for the elitist, tinted-window-patrol-car, SWAT team they're all trying to be) or anything, but the problem goes way past the occasional bad guy that may walk into a school and go postal. The problem is that we're being conditioned - intentionally or not - to believe that we are unable to, and therefore forbidden from, protecting ourselves and our children. Safety is to be solely provided by the government. I appreciate your point, Griselda, but unfortunately it only goes to put even more light on the bigger issue.

I was going to add something witty here, but after re-reading my comment I realize that there's not much else I can say about it.

Other than the fact that the situation is wrong, and completely fucked up.



tweaker

Feeling Better

It's been busy.

The smoker ran for 17.5 hours Sunday. The +10lb pork shoulder gave us a fight in the last hour getting to temp, but raising the heat out of the smoke box at the end really took hit home. The 4x chicken leg quarters that got their 2.5 hours will do nicely on my salads this week. Our half (the neighbors, who own the smoker, got the other) of the smoked meat loaf was rather nice.

Oh, yes. We smoked a meat loaf.


Monday was not so pleasant. I woke up snifflin and sneezin, and by the time I made it to the office, there were not five consecutive minutes that weren't interrupted by my sneeze(s). Drugs weren't helping. I made it to lunch, and that was it. I went home, drugged up more, and fell asleep. I had sneezed so hard many times that by the time I woke up, my back was killing me. The rest of the day teetered on disaster. I felt like some shit.

Tuesday was better (hooray, Zyrtec!). I made it through the day with hardly a sneeze, and got a ton of stuff done at work. I'm still on Zyrtec, not sneezing, and getting a ton of stuff done.

I feelz better. Thank you.



tweaker