She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. ... she never wounds 'till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her.
-Benjamin Franklin


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Occupying Stuff

Okay, you know what? I've had it. I keep hearing, over and over, about how completely fuxxored this country is from a bunch of idiots who made really shitty choices in their lives. There is apparently a very small faction among these groups of roving morons that is actually capable of some rational thinking, though they don't get too far with it.

Allow me to 'splain. Yes, giant soulless corporations are a major problem. That's not too far a stretch, but things get wonky when you decry them for having the audacity to have money at all, let along a metric fuck-ton of it. From there, things quickly spiral out of control, with people posting on your own website for all the world to see things like The Communist Manifesto, v2.0 and ZOMGTEHJOOOZ!!!!1!! Way to marginalize yourselves, geniuses. Top it off with shitting on police cars, a near total lack of sanitation, threats of violence, etc., and you've got yourself staring down the barrel of every can of pepper spray in the local PD. You did this to yourselves.

But, alas, "Protest onward!" you say. You can't allow your nearly-entirely disorganized band of what the world sees as union-funded reprobates to get bogged down in things like appearances! You've got a fucking city to occupy! So you press on under no flag with the only common theme among you being Corporations Are Bad, Mkay? Well, I've got news for you: corporations aren't the problem, and the government ain't the solution.

Let that sink in for a minute. You want to go after the corporations and, subsequently, the uber-rich folks that are a part of them, and take them to the fucking cleaners to rectify the poor distribution of wealth in this country. The only problem is that you can't do it alone, because laws and stuff prevent you from storming Goldman Sachs. So, you call for armed robbery by proxy. How? Place the responsibility for extracting and redistributing funds solely and entirely on the shoulders of the fed.gov. And here's where you remove all doubt that you are as clueless as you are unshowered.

Remember, if you will, how all those super-ultra-mega Wall Street companies were on the very edge of financial collapse? Wouldn't it have been fitting to your cause if they had gone up in smoke? Well, they didn't. They were propped up with my money and your money so multi-million-dollar bonuses could get paid on time and it was done so on the order of your government. Furthermore, this is a bipartisan clusterfuck: the first bailouts came at the tail-end of the G.W. Bush Administration, and continued (and inflated, and continued some more) with Obama at the helm. Because that's how it works.

The federal government has far exceeded its mandate as per the US Constitution, and the giant corporations are the only ones that reap any benefit. The corporations get huge, spend zillions lobbying Washington to squash competition. Washington follows suit because, hey: zillions. Washington applies force through legislation or worse, through agencies full of unelected and near-unfireable bureaucrats. Corporations get what they want, and come back next year with more money to lobby with. It's the Circle of Life.

No. More apropos, it's redistribution of money, and you guys are just pissed off that it's happening in the wrong direction. Now you want the river to run backwards. Well, guess what? It's still wrong. The problem is the government and the corporations. We've allowed the government to get too big and too powerful, and if they teamed up with the only entities large and wealthy enough to keep the juggernaut moving ever forward, leaving the tattered remnants of a constitutional republic and individual liberty in its wake.

And they're safe, because the squeaky wheel (that would be you, OWS) thinks the problem is with a few rich dudes having too much money. Keep falling for the smoke screen, y'all. Let me know where that gets you.

When you're ready to eat at the grown-up table, let me know. We're trying to get the power away from the .gov and the corporations, and back where it belongs: with We The People. Y'all want the government to take the power from the corporations and hoard it all. That will leave us fucked in an unimaginable sense. Well, duh. That bachelor's degree you got when you finished up your undergrad work Left-Handed Indian Basket Weaving will still be worthless in a shitty economy, no matter who's holding the reigns. And to those, I offer only this:





tweaker

Monday, October 24, 2011

Decided Out of Court

So a group of American attorneys and a group of British attorneys get together to discuss the Declaration of Independence. Dr. J discusses well, and sums up even better:

You see, it doesn't matter whether the Declaration was legal, or not. American muskets made it legal, and for that reason, we have and treasure the Second Amendment.


Well, that's that.



tweaker

(Wow. Two posts in one day. Shit just got real. Also, sorry about the lack lately. Casa de Tweaker is readjusting its coordinates, so time is spent relocating stuff and actually working.)

Similar In Nature

Is it just me, or does this fall right in line with "Never trust a skinny cook" just a bit too well?

h/t to Billy Beck.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

For Dinner

Sometimes, you may decide that a quick version of spaghetti is not blasphemy. You then find a jar of sauce that isn't terrible, mix it with some meat (ground beef, usually), boil up your noodlies, and, voila! Meal with leftovers.

And then sometimes, you find that you managed, somehow, to be devoid of ground anything. Sometimes you might find that the only way to keep this meal quick is to use what's on-hand, like some recently grilled chicken fajitas. Okay. Back on track.

Sometimes, you might find that the leftover noodles you had previously cooked to many of for the last meal that required them have become ZOMGSCIENCE ahead of (your) schedule, and that fuzzy noodles are not very appetizing. Then, you might find that the only noodlies you have left are of the Asian egg variety. Then you might cook them because, dammit, you don't have a choice at this point: you are committed.

Do not do this. It is abomination.



tweaker

Monday, October 17, 2011

Of Acid and Burritos

I don't know how I managed to pull it off. Maybe the coffee hadn't kicked in yet, but I managed to maintain all professional composure while reading this story.

...Right up to "Did someone slip acid in my breakfast burrito?"

And then I lost it. That is one of the funniest stories I have ever read in my life. Srsly. That is Pink Gorilla Suit funny. OMG.



tweaker